And if men come unto me I will show them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.   Ether 12:27

   I have thought about the above passage a lot over the last few months.  Out of all that I have read this passage hits me the hardest.  For the longest time I thought of myself as someone who had their stuff together, boy was I wrong.  Over the past 3 years I have had trial after trial come before me and I got through them, or so I thought.  Little did I know I was just brushing things under the rug.  Then one day it all came to a head and I fell apart.  I realized I wasn't as strong of a person as I thought I was.  I pulled out a copy of the Book of Mormon that my kids had gotten from their Aunt Nicole and started thumbing through it.  I stopped at this verse and read it over and over.  I had been shown my weaknesses without the rose colored glasses that I had been wearing for far to long.  I finally realized what had been missing in my life and what I needed to do. 

  I have made the changes that I needed to do and I am still making changes.  Each day is a test and more days than others I pass but there are days that I start to question if I am strong enough to pass these tests put in front of me.  When I get thinking like I open my scriptures and read this passage over and over till I get the feeling that everything will be okay.  I loving what my changes have done to my family and how close we have gotten.  I love how me and Jake sit and talk about church stuff all the time.  It has been an adjustment but not a hard one.  I have been humbled and I know that one day my weaknesses will be made strengths.

  We had the most wonderful weekend.  We went to Stake Conference where Jake was sustained and Elder in the church.  Sunday night some of our family members and friends came for dinner and then went with us up to the church where Jake's dad Tony ordained him as an Elder.  The blessing was so beautiful.  I am so happy that my husband is now a priesthood holder.  Our journey is just getting started and I am so excited about where we will end up in the end!

Time for an update!!

  Well it's been awhile since I have updated this thing so i figured I had better get on it.  Not a whole lot has really been going on in the last month.  Kids have all been pretty healthy for the most part and so have I.  I went to the doctor today for my monthly infusion and it went pretty good. Jake is still working in southern California. He hates it and wants to come home.  I want him to come home.  He will be flying in on Friday and will be getting ordained and Elder.  I am very excited for this to happen. It puts us that much closer to the temple.  We had our pa blessings done and it was such a neat experience.  I can't believe I waited this long to have mine done.

  Been going through with drawls from the race track.  I haven't been to one chariot race this season and I kind of miss it.  I miss playing with the horses and the adult interaction after a week of being with the kids.  I miss the friends I made down there.  I am hoping to make it to Worlds in a few weeks but we will see.  I had such a good time down there last year and I would kick myself if I didn't at least go to one race.  Last year I didn't miss one!  I am hoping to get feeling good enough that I will be able to start riding them again with my cousin Cody.  We got really close over the past year and it makes me really happy that we can share something together.  Although he has made a kind of career as a jockey, I would like to run one race and then I would be happy. But for now I will take just galloping them!

Well got a busy week and month! Hopefully my next post will be longer with some good news about a temple date!!

     Well the last two weeks have been really nice.  Jake has been home for two weeks and I have loved it.  He has been so helpful with the kids and it has given me a much needed break.  I have been hurting really bad lately cause I have gone off one of my meds.  It was a shot that I was giving myself once a week and its called Methotrexate. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's chemo.  Needless to say I felt like crap for 5 out of the 7 days of the week.  My hair is pretty thick so the hair loss that occurs isn't that noticeable.  Another side effect is my liver freaks out and I turn a lovely shade of yellow.  We are going to try something else but in order for that to happen I have to be off that medicine for at least 4 months. I will be two months in on the 10th.  It has been a long two months.  I go this Friday for my month IV infusion and I can hardly wait. This new medicine has been helping a lot but I am a little nervous to see how it works when it's not paired with the other drug.  They usually walk hand in hand. I am pretty hopeful the new thing we are going to do will help a lot for a little while. It could take a few months till we know for sure if it will help. So all in all I am looking at a good six months till I know if the new thing will work. Two months down tho! 

     Jake leaves this Saturday to go to Southern California for work.  He will be out there for a few months but he will be flying home as often as he can and I hope to go out and see him at least once since I have never been to California.  We are both getting our patriarchal blessing done on the 13th of February. I am very excited about this.  It is something I have always wanted done.  Jake will be ordained an Elder on the 6th of March and then we are temple bound as soon as the Bishop gives us the okay.  I am so excited.  I am hoping to go in June but I am not picky. I will go whenever the Bishop says we are ready.  I have been truly blessed and continue to be blessed each and everyday!

Changes are coming!

      I have been lacking in keeping my blog updated because of all the things that have been happening in our lives.  We have been experiencing such great things these days.  We met with our bishop last Sunday and I left with the most wonderful feeling.  As we sat there and discussed the things that need to happen and when he gave us a small idea of what will happen once we are in the walls of the temple I broke down in tears.  To think that I have been denying my family the blessings that come from being sealed to each other was almost to much to think about.  The feeling of peace I got when I closed my eyes and pictured it in my mind the tears increased in pace.  Our bishop was very excited to see our reaction to the things he said. He said he can see how much this means to us and wants to get us going asap.

      First step is getting Jake ordained and Elder and we are happy to say that if everything goes as planned that will happen March 6th.  The blessings we will receive by having a priesthood holder in our home will in measurable.  We will also be starting temple readiness classes as soon as it can be arranged. That will be a little hard with Jake being out of town a lot but the bishop seemed to think it would all work out. 

     I find myself very weepy lately.  I am not sure why that is.  I wish I could blame it on being pregnant but I know for a fact that is not the reason.  I do think it is because I am so in tuned with the spirit these days I just don't know what to do with all the emotions and they are flowing right out of me.  The missionaries told me once that the Holy Ghost doesn't "hit" you over the head very often but when he does you know it and your life changes forever.  I can attest to that for sure. October 10th 2010 is the day I was "hit" over the head and decided I needed to make some changes in my life.  I have always wanted to go to the temple with my family but always figured we could go later.  Well, we are never guaranteed later.  One never knows what will happen day to day.  The very thought that I could walk through eternity alone and without my family makes me sick.  I am going to live my life the way that He would have me live it so that I along with my family will be worthy to walk with Him again one day.  It is going to be a long hard road but I know that if I stay close to my family and my faith, we will get to our goal!! I love each and everyone of you and if you haven't found the peace I speak of I truly hope that one day you to will be "hit" over the head!!!

2010 is ending!!

     Well as then end of 2010 comes very near, I can't help but sit back and think about the past year.  We had a lot of challenges and blessing in this last year.  Our biggest challenges continue to be Jake working out of town a lot and my health  My arthritis seems to be under control for the most part with the occasional flare up here and there. Which is to be expected with this disease. 

   Lately I have thinking about the future and what I would like to do in the coming year.  The biggest thing on my list is have another baby but this one will be hard to achieve.  I am blessed with 3 beautiful children that keep me hopping day to day and I love it! But I have this feeling in my heart that there is someone missing.  When I have talked to family or friends about it they tell me I am crazy and not healthy enough for it.  It upsets me every time I hear this and makes me start thinking maybe I am really not healthy enough for it.  But that nagging feeling keeps coming back and it is so strong at times that it makes me want to cry cause I feel so helpless to do anything about it.  I know I sound crazy I guess. 3 kids alone half the time how could I possibly do it?  I have tried really hard to convince myself to be happy with what I have now and I am but its just that feeling that keeps coming back.  Jake keeps telling me he will think about it but we have all been kids and know what that always means. NO!!  I just wish men could feel what us mothers feel when we have that baby growing inside of us and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is truly a gift from God.  I have been very blessed to have experienced this 3 times and maybe I should be content with that but it is really hard to except.

     Maybe with some praying and thinking, both me and Jake can come to a decision that will benefit the family and we will both be happy with it.  I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season and that the new year find you all happy and in good health.

When it rains it pours!!

     Where do I start. This holiday season is not really getting off to the best start. Kids have been sick I have been sick and we seem to keep giving it to each other over and over.  Jake is lucky he is staying with his mom while he is working in Salt Lake or he would be sick too.  But I am hoping that it will all be over soon.  My sister in law Nicole had her baby girl last night and I have heard everything went well.  I have no word on a name yet but I did get a picture sent to my phone and she is sooo cute!! I cant wait to cuddle her a little bit. After and only after I have passed all sickness test cause I have had a baby with RSV and will not be getting anywhere near that little girl if me or my kids have even the smallest sniffle.

     I got some rather disturbing test results last week and it has kind of knocked me flat on my butt. When the doctor himself calls you and leaves a message saying call me back asap, it can be kind of nerve wracking.  I try not to worry to much but it is really hard.  I heard a song that kind of made me think I am a strong person and I will get through all of this and if not I will die trying!! I wanted to share the lyrics with you all.

Country Strong by Gwyneth Paltrow

I know you see me
Like some wide eyed dreamer
That just rolled in off a dusty mid west bus
Yeah, on the outside I look fragile
But on the inside is something you can’t crush

Cause I'm country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I'll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong

I have weathered
Colder winters; Longer summers
Without a drop of rain
Push me in a corner
And I’ll come out fighting
I may lose but I ‘ll always keep my faith

Cause I’m country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I’ll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong


Cause I’m country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I’ll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
I’m country strong
Yeah, I’m country strong
I’m country strong
I’m country strong
I’m country strong

      This song is so true!!  I am going to make this holiday season the best one I can.  I bore my testimony for the first time in my adult life Sunday.  I cant believe the peace that came over me while standing up there in front of people who really don't know me and telling them what I believe in.  I did cry and kind of felt foolish but I know those were cleansing tears for me.  I felt so much lighter afterwords.  My visiting teacher came to me in tears after the meeting and said,"I drove by your house on my way to work and this thought came into my head out of no where and it was "Take care of Emberly" Now I know why."  This brought on more tears from me when I realized God really does have people out there to help me.  All I have to do is ask for the help.  I am a very stubborn woman and I don't ask for help often but knowing its there is a great comfort to me cause I know in the coming weeks and months I am really going to need it. 

     Happy Holidays all and remember what this season is about. Take care of one another for you never know who is just to stubborn to ask for the help!!

Tis the season for giving!!

     Yesterday was Wyatt's 7th birthday and it was a really good day.  We had pizza, cake and of course presents.  Grandma and Grandpa Clark were here along with, Audrie, Chelsey, Josh and Preston.  We had a fun night watching him unwrap his gifts.

     Today I have put together a project for my kids.  They are going through all the toys in their room and putting them in three piles: Toys to keep, Toys that are broken and Toys that we no longer play with.  I explained to them that the toys that are in the pile that they no longer play with will be given to kids that don't have any toys.  I am amazed how quickly they got to work. The pile of toys for other kids is bigger than the pile to keep and this is just the toys in their room. We will be tackling the toy room tomorrow. 

     While cleaning Jailey my three year old brought me a handful of nickles, pennies, dimes, and quarters. And with all the wisdom of a three your old she says," Mommy can we give this money to people who don't have any?"  It took everything I had not to start crying and make her think she had done something wrong. I took the money in my hand and said,"Of course we can love bug."  We put the money on the counter so that we can go put it in the sub for Santa can. They pile is growing there also.

     It is amazing how a three year old can have the insight that tho people are going with toys that they may be going without money too.  It has inspired me to try and give more to those who are less fortunate than I am.  If we all can take a page from my little girls book I truly think that this world would be a better place.  I hope that this story helps you guys get in touch with the spirit of the season and remember it is the season of giving and not getting.