Well as then end of 2010 comes very near, I can't help but sit back and think about the past year. We had a lot of challenges and blessing in this last year. Our biggest challenges continue to be Jake working out of town a lot and my health My arthritis seems to be under control for the most part with the occasional flare up here and there. Which is to be expected with this disease.
Lately I have thinking about the future and what I would like to do in the coming year. The biggest thing on my list is have another baby but this one will be hard to achieve. I am blessed with 3 beautiful children that keep me hopping day to day and I love it! But I have this feeling in my heart that there is someone missing. When I have talked to family or friends about it they tell me I am crazy and not healthy enough for it. It upsets me every time I hear this and makes me start thinking maybe I am really not healthy enough for it. But that nagging feeling keeps coming back and it is so strong at times that it makes me want to cry cause I feel so helpless to do anything about it. I know I sound crazy I guess. 3 kids alone half the time how could I possibly do it? I have tried really hard to convince myself to be happy with what I have now and I am but its just that feeling that keeps coming back. Jake keeps telling me he will think about it but we have all been kids and know what that always means. NO!! I just wish men could feel what us mothers feel when we have that baby growing inside of us and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is truly a gift from God. I have been very blessed to have experienced this 3 times and maybe I should be content with that but it is really hard to except.
Maybe with some praying and thinking, both me and Jake can come to a decision that will benefit the family and we will both be happy with it. I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season and that the new year find you all happy and in good health.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
When it rains it pours!!
Where do I start. This holiday season is not really getting off to the best start. Kids have been sick I have been sick and we seem to keep giving it to each other over and over. Jake is lucky he is staying with his mom while he is working in Salt Lake or he would be sick too. But I am hoping that it will all be over soon. My sister in law Nicole had her baby girl last night and I have heard everything went well. I have no word on a name yet but I did get a picture sent to my phone and she is sooo cute!! I cant wait to cuddle her a little bit. After and only after I have passed all sickness test cause I have had a baby with RSV and will not be getting anywhere near that little girl if me or my kids have even the smallest sniffle.
I got some rather disturbing test results last week and it has kind of knocked me flat on my butt. When the doctor himself calls you and leaves a message saying call me back asap, it can be kind of nerve wracking. I try not to worry to much but it is really hard. I heard a song that kind of made me think I am a strong person and I will get through all of this and if not I will die trying!! I wanted to share the lyrics with you all.
I got some rather disturbing test results last week and it has kind of knocked me flat on my butt. When the doctor himself calls you and leaves a message saying call me back asap, it can be kind of nerve wracking. I try not to worry to much but it is really hard. I heard a song that kind of made me think I am a strong person and I will get through all of this and if not I will die trying!! I wanted to share the lyrics with you all.
Country Strong by Gwyneth Paltrow
I know you see me
Like some wide eyed dreamer
That just rolled in off a dusty mid west bus
Yeah, on the outside I look fragile
But on the inside is something you can’t crush
Cause I'm country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I'll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
I have weathered
Colder winters; Longer summers
Without a drop of rain
Push me in a corner
And I’ll come out fighting
I may lose but I ‘ll always keep my faith
Cause I’m country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I’ll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
Cause I’m country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I’ll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
I’m country strong
Yeah, I’m country strong
I’m country strong
I’m country strong
I’m country strong
Like some wide eyed dreamer
That just rolled in off a dusty mid west bus
Yeah, on the outside I look fragile
But on the inside is something you can’t crush
Cause I'm country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I'll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
I have weathered
Colder winters; Longer summers
Without a drop of rain
Push me in a corner
And I’ll come out fighting
I may lose but I ‘ll always keep my faith
Cause I’m country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I’ll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
Cause I’m country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I’ll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
I’m country strong
Yeah, I’m country strong
I’m country strong
I’m country strong
I’m country strong
This song is so true!! I am going to make this holiday season the best one I can. I bore my testimony for the first time in my adult life Sunday. I cant believe the peace that came over me while standing up there in front of people who really don't know me and telling them what I believe in. I did cry and kind of felt foolish but I know those were cleansing tears for me. I felt so much lighter afterwords. My visiting teacher came to me in tears after the meeting and said,"I drove by your house on my way to work and this thought came into my head out of no where and it was "Take care of Emberly" Now I know why." This brought on more tears from me when I realized God really does have people out there to help me. All I have to do is ask for the help. I am a very stubborn woman and I don't ask for help often but knowing its there is a great comfort to me cause I know in the coming weeks and months I am really going to need it.
Happy Holidays all and remember what this season is about. Take care of one another for you never know who is just to stubborn to ask for the help!!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Tis the season for giving!!
Yesterday was Wyatt's 7th birthday and it was a really good day. We had pizza, cake and of course presents. Grandma and Grandpa Clark were here along with, Audrie, Chelsey, Josh and Preston. We had a fun night watching him unwrap his gifts.
Today I have put together a project for my kids. They are going through all the toys in their room and putting them in three piles: Toys to keep, Toys that are broken and Toys that we no longer play with. I explained to them that the toys that are in the pile that they no longer play with will be given to kids that don't have any toys. I am amazed how quickly they got to work. The pile of toys for other kids is bigger than the pile to keep and this is just the toys in their room. We will be tackling the toy room tomorrow.
While cleaning Jailey my three year old brought me a handful of nickles, pennies, dimes, and quarters. And with all the wisdom of a three your old she says," Mommy can we give this money to people who don't have any?" It took everything I had not to start crying and make her think she had done something wrong. I took the money in my hand and said,"Of course we can love bug." We put the money on the counter so that we can go put it in the sub for Santa can. They pile is growing there also.
It is amazing how a three year old can have the insight that tho people are going with toys that they may be going without money too. It has inspired me to try and give more to those who are less fortunate than I am. If we all can take a page from my little girls book I truly think that this world would be a better place. I hope that this story helps you guys get in touch with the spirit of the season and remember it is the season of giving and not getting.
Today I have put together a project for my kids. They are going through all the toys in their room and putting them in three piles: Toys to keep, Toys that are broken and Toys that we no longer play with. I explained to them that the toys that are in the pile that they no longer play with will be given to kids that don't have any toys. I am amazed how quickly they got to work. The pile of toys for other kids is bigger than the pile to keep and this is just the toys in their room. We will be tackling the toy room tomorrow.
While cleaning Jailey my three year old brought me a handful of nickles, pennies, dimes, and quarters. And with all the wisdom of a three your old she says," Mommy can we give this money to people who don't have any?" It took everything I had not to start crying and make her think she had done something wrong. I took the money in my hand and said,"Of course we can love bug." We put the money on the counter so that we can go put it in the sub for Santa can. They pile is growing there also.
It is amazing how a three year old can have the insight that tho people are going with toys that they may be going without money too. It has inspired me to try and give more to those who are less fortunate than I am. If we all can take a page from my little girls book I truly think that this world would be a better place. I hope that this story helps you guys get in touch with the spirit of the season and remember it is the season of giving and not getting.
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