Well as then end of 2010 comes very near, I can't help but sit back and think about the past year. We had a lot of challenges and blessing in this last year. Our biggest challenges continue to be Jake working out of town a lot and my health My arthritis seems to be under control for the most part with the occasional flare up here and there. Which is to be expected with this disease.
Lately I have thinking about the future and what I would like to do in the coming year. The biggest thing on my list is have another baby but this one will be hard to achieve. I am blessed with 3 beautiful children that keep me hopping day to day and I love it! But I have this feeling in my heart that there is someone missing. When I have talked to family or friends about it they tell me I am crazy and not healthy enough for it. It upsets me every time I hear this and makes me start thinking maybe I am really not healthy enough for it. But that nagging feeling keeps coming back and it is so strong at times that it makes me want to cry cause I feel so helpless to do anything about it. I know I sound crazy I guess. 3 kids alone half the time how could I possibly do it? I have tried really hard to convince myself to be happy with what I have now and I am but its just that feeling that keeps coming back. Jake keeps telling me he will think about it but we have all been kids and know what that always means. NO!! I just wish men could feel what us mothers feel when we have that baby growing inside of us and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is truly a gift from God. I have been very blessed to have experienced this 3 times and maybe I should be content with that but it is really hard to except.
Maybe with some praying and thinking, both me and Jake can come to a decision that will benefit the family and we will both be happy with it. I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season and that the new year find you all happy and in good health.
I completely understand. For months and months after Belen was born, logic (and everyone else) kept telling us we were done. But I had the same feeling you talk about. I was so sad to think we were done, having these overwhelming feelings of leaving someone behind, and yet, I couldn't see any way possible to even entertain the thought of another baby with Bryan's health and work situation. Fast forward to today... :) If another baby is supposed to come to your family, I can promise, it will come, regardless of health, finances, or fearful relatives :) There's a talk in December's Ensign by Elder Callister called Fear Not...our Bishop made me read it, and it really helped.
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