Well I give up on the 30 days of truth thing. I tried really hard but its really hard cause I feel like I am lying on a few of them and don't really know how to answer some of the others. So I have decided that I am going to do them in a journal so that I have them for myself and no one else can criticize what I write for the answers. So anyway I am going to get back to talking about what is important to me in life and that is my family.
For the last month or so we have been very fortunate to have Jake home every night. I almost feel spoiled cause that hasn't happened in 2 years. Right now he is down in Salt Lake on storm work. Tis the season for power outages. He is my hero! He goes out in the rain, snow, cold and wind so that we can all stay nice and warm in our homes. Linemen are for sure the unsung hero's out there.
So my health is still pretty crappy. I thought for the longest time that the new meds were working, but I am hurting worse than ever it seems like. My back has been killing me cause the arthritis has settled into my spine and the muscles are tight to protect my spine. Or that's what they are telling me. But my liver and kidneys tests have been off so I am thinking we are looking at the beginning of kidney and liver failure. I am hoping that is not the case. I had a blessing my the missionaries the other night and it was really nice and left me with a little comfort. The hardest part is I cant sit or stand or lay for long. I have been going to PT and it helps for a few hours but the pain always comes back and it's usually worse. I just want to give up and lay in bed but having 3 small children that is not possible.
We have been going to church on a regular basis and having the missionaries come once a week. We are going to be meeting with the bishop soon so we can start working towards the temple. For the first time today in probably my whole life I paid a full tithing. I felt so good as I handed it to Bishop Armstrong. First big step in our path to the temple. We are hoping that we can have everything ready to go by our 8th anniversary in June.
The kids are all doing great. They love primary so much. They are anxiously awaiting the arrival of a new cousin any day from their Aunt Nicole and to tell you the truth so am I. They have been talking a lot about babies. Jordyn said the other day that she wanted a baby sister and Wyatt got all upset and said" YOU HAVE A SISTER!! I WANT A BROTHER!!! I just started laughing. I would love to have another baby but I just don't see that happening. They say RA goes into a kind of remission while pregnant and that right there made me say lets do it but I just don't know if I could do 4 kids alone. I would really like one tho.
Well I am starting to hurt sitting here so I guess that is my Que to get up and get everyone ready for bed.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do!
Well here we go again, I know I am lousy at this. Okay something I hope I never have to do is watch my children go through the pain that I experience day in and day out. There are days when the pain is to much and I just lay in bed praying for it to stop. It would be more than I think I could handle. Besides all the pain there are the side effects too that make things that much worse. Having to watch lumps and bumps and waiting for the next infection to creep up. Being told you high risk lymphoma is another thing that worries me. I pray that they will be spared from all of this.
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life!
Okay so I have really sucked it up when it comes to this 30 days of truth. I kind of took a couple days off and now I am getting back into it. Sorry if you have been checking each day. So here we go again!
I have had a ton of things that I have hoped to do in my life and a lot of those things are not going to happen and I have to just deal with it. I always wanted to at least try out for Miss Rodeo Utah but that is one thing that wont happen now. They kind of frown on married mothers of three. But that is okay with me.
One thing I do hope to do is compete in at least one PRCA rodeo in barrels, and I will do that! Even if I buy my card and walk around the barrels I will ride in one pro show!!
Another thing I hope to do is go through the temple. We are taking the steps to get there and I hope that one day we will get there!!!
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
I have had a ton of things that I have hoped to do in my life and a lot of those things are not going to happen and I have to just deal with it. I always wanted to at least try out for Miss Rodeo Utah but that is one thing that wont happen now. They kind of frown on married mothers of three. But that is okay with me.
One thing I do hope to do is compete in at least one PRCA rodeo in barrels, and I will do that! Even if I buy my card and walk around the barrels I will ride in one pro show!!
Another thing I hope to do is go through the temple. We are taking the steps to get there and I hope that one day we will get there!!!
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for...
There are a few people that I really need to forgive but I am not sure they even know what they have done has offended me. I am a very sensitive person and I take things a little to serious. All growing up I was always an easy target for people especially boys. They knew just what to say to make me absolutely hate myself. There was a group of boys who would do anything and everything to make me cry. They would achieve that goal very easy cause I wear my heart on my sleeve. I remember on particular day very well. I had hit an all time low and decided that life really wasn't worth it anymore. I had to sit next to these boys in a certain class and I mentioned to them how they had made my life hell and how it wasn't worth it anymore. One boy looked at me and said if you need some help I will help you. He was talking about helping me off myself. I know none of them knew just how serious I was but I was very serious.
I have held on to that anger since the 8th grade. I think now that I will be 26 next week that maybe its time to try and forgive but not forget. I had some very good friends of mine that helped me get through that dark time in my life. They helped me realize that life is worth so much more. So I am going to forgive those boys for the hell they put me through. I hope that they never have to go through what my parents went through trying to comfort me and get me through those rough days......
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
I have held on to that anger since the 8th grade. I think now that I will be 26 next week that maybe its time to try and forgive but not forget. I had some very good friends of mine that helped me get through that dark time in my life. They helped me realize that life is worth so much more. So I am going to forgive those boys for the hell they put me through. I hope that they never have to go through what my parents went through trying to comfort me and get me through those rough days......
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Day Three: Something You have to forgive yourself for.
Well this one is hard and easy at the same time. There are a lot of things I need to forgive myself for but finding one that I am comfortable sharing is really hard. But I think that the one I picked is okay to share.
I need to forgive myself for not being healthy. I have thought for a very long time that my actions in the past have created my health problems today. It is nothing that I have done that caused me to get the disease that I have. I feel like because I am sick all the time I am a burden on my husband and family. If I was healthy I could work and maybe Jake wouldn't have to work as hard or long as he does now. I feel bad cause I can't hike and do the things we did when we were dating. I need to forgive myself and try to be as healthy as I can be.
I know my answers are not as good as my first one and reading these may be boring but somethings I just can't type on here because people will and can take them out of context. But by doing this I am being forced to look deeper and see all the other things that I need to forgive myself for. And whether it is on here or something I am dealing with alone I feel like I am finding out things that I never knew about myself.
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I need to forgive myself for not being healthy. I have thought for a very long time that my actions in the past have created my health problems today. It is nothing that I have done that caused me to get the disease that I have. I feel like because I am sick all the time I am a burden on my husband and family. If I was healthy I could work and maybe Jake wouldn't have to work as hard or long as he does now. I feel bad cause I can't hike and do the things we did when we were dating. I need to forgive myself and try to be as healthy as I can be.
I know my answers are not as good as my first one and reading these may be boring but somethings I just can't type on here because people will and can take them out of context. But by doing this I am being forced to look deeper and see all the other things that I need to forgive myself for. And whether it is on here or something I am dealing with alone I feel like I am finding out things that I never knew about myself.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Day Two: Something you love about yourself.
Okay I have taken all day to think about this one cause its really hard for me to talk good about myself. I think it is a difficult task for everyone. Its a lot easier to believe the bad stuff than it is to believe the good stuff. But I would have to say one thing I do love about myself is my ability to listen.
I believe I am a good listener. I try to listen to other peoples problems and try to help them come to a solution. I know that is not real deep and kind of a lame answer compared to the one I wrote yesterday but it has opened my eyes to the fact that I need to start loving more about myself. If you don't love yourself than you can't expect others to. Something to work on and think about.
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
I believe I am a good listener. I try to listen to other peoples problems and try to help them come to a solution. I know that is not real deep and kind of a lame answer compared to the one I wrote yesterday but it has opened my eyes to the fact that I need to start loving more about myself. If you don't love yourself than you can't expect others to. Something to work on and think about.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
30 Days of Truth!!
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself!!
I have sat and pondered this question for awhile today trying to figure out how to answer it. Hate is a very strong word but I know that I can use the word when describing the one thing I hate about myself. I hate the fact that I don't know who I am. I know that is an off the wall answer, but honestly I have always had a hard time figuring out who I really am. I am a wife, mother, sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece and aunt but who is Emberly. I have been a waitress, queen, rodeo girl, race jockey and swim teacher but who is Emberly. This is one thing I hate about myself cause I cant answer this question.
All growing up I have tried to fit in and never really did. So I tried to become what I thought other people thought I should be. It worked for the most part but somewhere in the hustle and bustle I lost myself. I used to be very independent and strong. Now I depend on others a lot and feel weak most of the time. So which on of those girls am I? The strong independent one or the needy weak one? I don't regret any of my choices because if I did then I would regret my life now, I just regret not staying true to me through the years. I hate that I let others define who I was or had to be.
Now that I realize these things I am moving forward to figure out who I am and what I want. I will get to the day when I can look in the mirror and know who I am looking at and like what I see. It will take time but with the love and support of family and friends I will succeed.
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
I have sat and pondered this question for awhile today trying to figure out how to answer it. Hate is a very strong word but I know that I can use the word when describing the one thing I hate about myself. I hate the fact that I don't know who I am. I know that is an off the wall answer, but honestly I have always had a hard time figuring out who I really am. I am a wife, mother, sister, daughter, granddaughter, niece and aunt but who is Emberly. I have been a waitress, queen, rodeo girl, race jockey and swim teacher but who is Emberly. This is one thing I hate about myself cause I cant answer this question.
All growing up I have tried to fit in and never really did. So I tried to become what I thought other people thought I should be. It worked for the most part but somewhere in the hustle and bustle I lost myself. I used to be very independent and strong. Now I depend on others a lot and feel weak most of the time. So which on of those girls am I? The strong independent one or the needy weak one? I don't regret any of my choices because if I did then I would regret my life now, I just regret not staying true to me through the years. I hate that I let others define who I was or had to be.
Now that I realize these things I am moving forward to figure out who I am and what I want. I will get to the day when I can look in the mirror and know who I am looking at and like what I see. It will take time but with the love and support of family and friends I will succeed.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
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