Well the last two weeks have been really nice.  Jake has been home for two weeks and I have loved it.  He has been so helpful with the kids and it has given me a much needed break.  I have been hurting really bad lately cause I have gone off one of my meds.  It was a shot that I was giving myself once a week and its called Methotrexate. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's chemo.  Needless to say I felt like crap for 5 out of the 7 days of the week.  My hair is pretty thick so the hair loss that occurs isn't that noticeable.  Another side effect is my liver freaks out and I turn a lovely shade of yellow.  We are going to try something else but in order for that to happen I have to be off that medicine for at least 4 months. I will be two months in on the 10th.  It has been a long two months.  I go this Friday for my month IV infusion and I can hardly wait. This new medicine has been helping a lot but I am a little nervous to see how it works when it's not paired with the other drug.  They usually walk hand in hand. I am pretty hopeful the new thing we are going to do will help a lot for a little while. It could take a few months till we know for sure if it will help. So all in all I am looking at a good six months till I know if the new thing will work. Two months down tho! 

     Jake leaves this Saturday to go to Southern California for work.  He will be out there for a few months but he will be flying home as often as he can and I hope to go out and see him at least once since I have never been to California.  We are both getting our patriarchal blessing done on the 13th of February. I am very excited about this.  It is something I have always wanted done.  Jake will be ordained an Elder on the 6th of March and then we are temple bound as soon as the Bishop gives us the okay.  I am so excited.  I am hoping to go in June but I am not picky. I will go whenever the Bishop says we are ready.  I have been truly blessed and continue to be blessed each and everyday!

Changes are coming!

      I have been lacking in keeping my blog updated because of all the things that have been happening in our lives.  We have been experiencing such great things these days.  We met with our bishop last Sunday and I left with the most wonderful feeling.  As we sat there and discussed the things that need to happen and when he gave us a small idea of what will happen once we are in the walls of the temple I broke down in tears.  To think that I have been denying my family the blessings that come from being sealed to each other was almost to much to think about.  The feeling of peace I got when I closed my eyes and pictured it in my mind the tears increased in pace.  Our bishop was very excited to see our reaction to the things he said. He said he can see how much this means to us and wants to get us going asap.

      First step is getting Jake ordained and Elder and we are happy to say that if everything goes as planned that will happen March 6th.  The blessings we will receive by having a priesthood holder in our home will in measurable.  We will also be starting temple readiness classes as soon as it can be arranged. That will be a little hard with Jake being out of town a lot but the bishop seemed to think it would all work out. 

     I find myself very weepy lately.  I am not sure why that is.  I wish I could blame it on being pregnant but I know for a fact that is not the reason.  I do think it is because I am so in tuned with the spirit these days I just don't know what to do with all the emotions and they are flowing right out of me.  The missionaries told me once that the Holy Ghost doesn't "hit" you over the head very often but when he does you know it and your life changes forever.  I can attest to that for sure. October 10th 2010 is the day I was "hit" over the head and decided I needed to make some changes in my life.  I have always wanted to go to the temple with my family but always figured we could go later.  Well, we are never guaranteed later.  One never knows what will happen day to day.  The very thought that I could walk through eternity alone and without my family makes me sick.  I am going to live my life the way that He would have me live it so that I along with my family will be worthy to walk with Him again one day.  It is going to be a long hard road but I know that if I stay close to my family and my faith, we will get to our goal!! I love each and everyone of you and if you haven't found the peace I speak of I truly hope that one day you to will be "hit" over the head!!!

2010 is ending!!

     Well as then end of 2010 comes very near, I can't help but sit back and think about the past year.  We had a lot of challenges and blessing in this last year.  Our biggest challenges continue to be Jake working out of town a lot and my health  My arthritis seems to be under control for the most part with the occasional flare up here and there. Which is to be expected with this disease. 

   Lately I have thinking about the future and what I would like to do in the coming year.  The biggest thing on my list is have another baby but this one will be hard to achieve.  I am blessed with 3 beautiful children that keep me hopping day to day and I love it! But I have this feeling in my heart that there is someone missing.  When I have talked to family or friends about it they tell me I am crazy and not healthy enough for it.  It upsets me every time I hear this and makes me start thinking maybe I am really not healthy enough for it.  But that nagging feeling keeps coming back and it is so strong at times that it makes me want to cry cause I feel so helpless to do anything about it.  I know I sound crazy I guess. 3 kids alone half the time how could I possibly do it?  I have tried really hard to convince myself to be happy with what I have now and I am but its just that feeling that keeps coming back.  Jake keeps telling me he will think about it but we have all been kids and know what that always means. NO!!  I just wish men could feel what us mothers feel when we have that baby growing inside of us and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is truly a gift from God.  I have been very blessed to have experienced this 3 times and maybe I should be content with that but it is really hard to except.

     Maybe with some praying and thinking, both me and Jake can come to a decision that will benefit the family and we will both be happy with it.  I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday season and that the new year find you all happy and in good health.

When it rains it pours!!

     Where do I start. This holiday season is not really getting off to the best start. Kids have been sick I have been sick and we seem to keep giving it to each other over and over.  Jake is lucky he is staying with his mom while he is working in Salt Lake or he would be sick too.  But I am hoping that it will all be over soon.  My sister in law Nicole had her baby girl last night and I have heard everything went well.  I have no word on a name yet but I did get a picture sent to my phone and she is sooo cute!! I cant wait to cuddle her a little bit. After and only after I have passed all sickness test cause I have had a baby with RSV and will not be getting anywhere near that little girl if me or my kids have even the smallest sniffle.

     I got some rather disturbing test results last week and it has kind of knocked me flat on my butt. When the doctor himself calls you and leaves a message saying call me back asap, it can be kind of nerve wracking.  I try not to worry to much but it is really hard.  I heard a song that kind of made me think I am a strong person and I will get through all of this and if not I will die trying!! I wanted to share the lyrics with you all.

Country Strong by Gwyneth Paltrow

I know you see me
Like some wide eyed dreamer
That just rolled in off a dusty mid west bus
Yeah, on the outside I look fragile
But on the inside is something you can’t crush

Cause I'm country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I'll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong

I have weathered
Colder winters; Longer summers
Without a drop of rain
Push me in a corner
And I’ll come out fighting
I may lose but I ‘ll always keep my faith

Cause I’m country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I’ll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong


Cause I’m country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I’ll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
I’m country strong
Yeah, I’m country strong
I’m country strong
I’m country strong
I’m country strong

      This song is so true!!  I am going to make this holiday season the best one I can.  I bore my testimony for the first time in my adult life Sunday.  I cant believe the peace that came over me while standing up there in front of people who really don't know me and telling them what I believe in.  I did cry and kind of felt foolish but I know those were cleansing tears for me.  I felt so much lighter afterwords.  My visiting teacher came to me in tears after the meeting and said,"I drove by your house on my way to work and this thought came into my head out of no where and it was "Take care of Emberly" Now I know why."  This brought on more tears from me when I realized God really does have people out there to help me.  All I have to do is ask for the help.  I am a very stubborn woman and I don't ask for help often but knowing its there is a great comfort to me cause I know in the coming weeks and months I am really going to need it. 

     Happy Holidays all and remember what this season is about. Take care of one another for you never know who is just to stubborn to ask for the help!!

Tis the season for giving!!

     Yesterday was Wyatt's 7th birthday and it was a really good day.  We had pizza, cake and of course presents.  Grandma and Grandpa Clark were here along with, Audrie, Chelsey, Josh and Preston.  We had a fun night watching him unwrap his gifts.

     Today I have put together a project for my kids.  They are going through all the toys in their room and putting them in three piles: Toys to keep, Toys that are broken and Toys that we no longer play with.  I explained to them that the toys that are in the pile that they no longer play with will be given to kids that don't have any toys.  I am amazed how quickly they got to work. The pile of toys for other kids is bigger than the pile to keep and this is just the toys in their room. We will be tackling the toy room tomorrow. 

     While cleaning Jailey my three year old brought me a handful of nickles, pennies, dimes, and quarters. And with all the wisdom of a three your old she says," Mommy can we give this money to people who don't have any?"  It took everything I had not to start crying and make her think she had done something wrong. I took the money in my hand and said,"Of course we can love bug."  We put the money on the counter so that we can go put it in the sub for Santa can. They pile is growing there also.

     It is amazing how a three year old can have the insight that tho people are going with toys that they may be going without money too.  It has inspired me to try and give more to those who are less fortunate than I am.  If we all can take a page from my little girls book I truly think that this world would be a better place.  I hope that this story helps you guys get in touch with the spirit of the season and remember it is the season of giving and not getting.

I give up!

     Well I give up on the 30 days of truth thing. I tried really hard but its really hard cause I feel like I am lying on a few of them and don't really know how to answer some of the others. So I have decided that I am going to do them in a journal so that I have them for myself and no one else can criticize what I write for the answers.  So anyway I am going to get back to talking about what is important to me in life and that is my family.

    For the last month or so we have been very fortunate to have Jake home every night. I almost feel spoiled cause that hasn't happened in 2 years.  Right now he is down in Salt Lake on storm work. Tis the season for power outages.  He is my hero!  He goes out in the rain, snow, cold and wind so that we can all stay nice and warm in our homes.  Linemen are for sure the unsung hero's out there.

     So my health is still pretty crappy. I thought for the longest time that the new meds were working, but I am hurting worse than ever it seems like.  My back has been killing me cause the arthritis has settled into my spine and the muscles are tight to protect my spine.  Or that's what they are telling me.  But my liver and kidneys tests have been off so I am thinking we are looking at the beginning of kidney and liver failure.  I am hoping that is not the case.  I had a blessing my the missionaries the other night and it was really nice and left me with a little comfort.  The hardest part is I cant sit or stand or lay for long.  I have been going to PT and it helps for a few hours but the pain always comes back and it's usually worse.  I just want to give up and lay in bed but having 3 small children that is not possible.

     We have been going to church on a regular basis and having the missionaries come once a week.  We are going to be meeting with the bishop soon so we can start working towards the temple.  For the first time today in probably my whole life I paid a full tithing.  I felt so good as I handed it to Bishop Armstrong. First big step in our path to the temple.  We are hoping that we can have everything ready to go by our 8th anniversary in June.

     The kids are all doing great. They love primary so much. They are anxiously awaiting the arrival of a new cousin any day from their Aunt Nicole and to tell you the truth so am I.  They have been talking a lot about babies. Jordyn said the other day that she wanted a baby sister and Wyatt got all upset and said" YOU HAVE A SISTER!! I WANT A BROTHER!!!  I just started laughing. I would love to have another baby but I just don't see that happening.  They say RA goes into a kind of remission while pregnant and that right there made me say lets do it but I just don't know if I could do 4 kids alone.  I would really like one tho.

     Well I am starting to hurt sitting here so I guess that is my Que to get up and get everyone ready for bed.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do!

     Well here we go again, I know I am lousy at this.  Okay something I hope I never have to do is watch my children go through the pain that I experience day in and day out.  There are days when the pain is to much and I just lay in bed praying for it to stop.  It would be more than I think I could handle.  Besides all the pain there are the side effects too that make things that much worse.  Having to watch lumps and bumps and waiting for the next infection to creep up.  Being told you high risk lymphoma is another thing that worries me.  I pray that they will be spared from all of this.



Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
 Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.